


your heart anything but a vault

by anonymousAlchemist



Series: lock & key [1]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: M/M, SURPRISE THERES MORE!!, in which kravitz and lup talk about taako being fucced up, its just a lot of alarm for krav in this house tonight okay, relationships as a work in progress, taako gets drunk and alarms kravitz, taako is sad and alarms kravitz, taako talks about sazed and alarms kravitz, yeah that, you know that thing where someone you love acts out of character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-27
Updated: 2017-10-23
Packaged: 2019-01-06 05:57:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12205215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anonymousAlchemist/pseuds/anonymousAlchemist
Summary: Taako gets drunk, doesn't talk about his feelings, cries all over his boyfriend.Kravitz doesn't get drunk, feels an emotion, gets cried over.





	1. Kravitz and Taako

**Author's Note:**

> You know that thing when someone you care about does something out of character and then youre like 'wait what' but you don't want to scare em so you arent sure how to approach it: the fic.

 

 

They stumble into the bedroom, or at least Taako stumbles, half-propped up by Kravitz, and they fall ingloriously on the bed. Kravitz pulls himself up. He pulls Taako up. Taako wavers. He drank a lot, Kravitz thinks. They both did. But Kravitz's body doesn't work the same way it used to, when he was alive. And Taako is smaller than him.

 

“Are you alright?” Kravitz says.

“I’m drunk,” Taako says, matter-of-factly. Most of his usual verbosity is gone, speech fallen a couple of steps down the linguistic ladder.

“Yes you are, love,” Kravitz says. “I’m going to go get you a glass of water, okay?”

 

He 's stopped by Taako throwing himself across Kravitz, pushing them down both onto the bed. At another time, this would be sexy. Taako is a dead weight knocking the wind out of Kravitz's chest out of him as they crash down.

 

“No-o!” Taako says, and his voice is a left-field departure from his prior easy pliability, high and sharp, fear coating it trembling, alcohol coating it heavy. His ears are twitching madly. “No, no, no, don’t go, stay right here, don’t leave, Don’t leave.”

 

“Love, I’m not going anywhere,” Kravitz says, alarmed. Where is this coming from? It's like somebody cast a spell on Taako, flipping him upside down the emotional scale. There's nothing that should be creating this sort of reaction. They went on a date. They drank a lot, somewhat accidentally. It was fun.

 

“D'you promise,” Taako says, tripping over his words. “Everyone’s, everyone’s always leaving, don’t leave.”

“I'm not leaving,” Kravitz says. He was only going to get a glass of water. “I promise. You’re stuck with me, okay? Taako?”

 

“Mm,” Taako’s only response is a long, drawn out noise pressed into the fabric of Kravitz’s suit. Kravitz can feel wetness seeping through onto his skin. He turns Taako’s face gently. His eyes are red. Kravitz runs a thumb gently on Taako’s cheek, the damp space underneath his eye.

 

“Are you crying?”

“No-o,” Taako says. “No, I’m not, I’m not crying. You're crying. I miss you. You’re not gonna stay, and I love you.”

“Yes I am,” Kravitz says. “I’m right here. I love you too.”

 

“S'zed said that too,” Taako mumbles, pulling away, twisting back so that he’s sprawled awkwardly half across Kravitz, half across the bed, grabbing fistfuls of Kravitz’s jacket and smushing his face into Kravtiz’s chest again.

 

“I’m not Sazed,” Kravitz says, rubbing Taako’s back in what he hopes is a soothing manner. Who’s Sazed? Taako hasn’t mentioned him before.

“S'zed was a jerk,” Taako says, muffled. “S'all his fault.”

“Okay,” Kravitz says.

“You’re, you’re better,” Taako says, reaching up with his hand to pat Kravitz’s face. He misses. Kravitz catches Taako’s hand, brings it down gently, holds it in his own. He’s strange like this, Kravitz thinks. Unguarded. All the hurts exposed. Kravitz wishes he could turn back time and destroy everyone who made Taako think that everyone was going to leave, or at least yell at them.

 

“I love you,” Kravitz says again, for lack of anything else to say. Taako doesn’t respond. “Taako?” He shakes Taako’s shoulder, but the only response he gets is a sleepy string of nonsense. Kravitz sighs, tucks a lock of Taako’s hair behind his ear. It twitches.

 

“You’re going to have an awful hangover in the morning, love.”

 

It takes a long time for Kravitz to fall asleep.

 

 

* * *

 

Kravitz wakes up because Taako is jabbing him in the back. They're still both wearing their clothes from last night. Kravitz is very warm. They're all tangled up in the covers, and each other.

 

"My head hurts," Taako whines.

"You didn't drink any water last night," Kravitz says, voice creased by slumber. He rolls over, rearranging himself to stare at his boyfriend. "Are you alright?"

"No, I'm dying," Taako says.

"Okay," Kravitz says. "Do you want me to make coffee?"

"My dude, do'ya even have to ask? How are you not dying? I'm dying," Taako grumbles, yawning widely.

"I'm technically dead," Kravitz says.

"Ri-ight," Taako says. "So you should go make coffee."

"I said I would," Kravitz says, without annoyance. "You, uh, have to let me get up, though."

"No," Taako says, and releases him. Kravitz does not want to leave, but he does.

 

Kravitz walks over to the kitchen, a little wary of running into the other two inhabitants of Taako's apartment. It's early, though, by the clock on the wall. The sun rises from below the apartment. The moonbase is still strange, Kravitz thinks.

 

He's been here enough that he knows where the beans are, the coffee grinder, the french press. He pulls them out, one by one. Taako showed him how to make coffee. Kravitz doesn't really need to keep food around his apartment. He does now, for when Taako is over.

 

Kravitz puts beans in the grinder. It whirls, and Kravitz thinks about last night. The drunken confessions, the crying. They've been dating for months. Taako can be high strung. He doesn't tend to be emotional. Maybe he should chalk it up to the alcohol, Kravitz thinks.

 

"Oh shit, you _are_ making coffee," Taako says, walking into the kitchen. He's changed out of last night's dress, now in an oversized sweatshirt, and pajama shorts. Kravitz bets that the sweatshirt belongs to Magnus. It has a unicorn fighting a bear on it.

 

"I told you I would," Kravitz says. "Do you remember last night?"

"Not a bit, my guy," Taako says blithely. "I do anything weird? Set anything on fire? Steal some shit?"

"Y-no," Kravitz says. "No, you were fine. Hey, who's Sazed?" Kravitz says. "You mentioned him, last night."

"Oh, that jerk?" Taako says, pulling a face. "Yeah, that chucklefuck used to be my assistant. We sort of dated? We were fucking. He poisoned my audience and framed it on me — idiot was trying to murder me, can you imagine?"

 

Kravitz stares, coffee forgotten.

 

Taako laughs. "Good thing I didn't taste the chicken, otherwise maybe I woulda seen you a lot sooner, Krav."

"I only handle the criminal cases," Kravitz says, mouth moving by rote, mind whirling. "He tried to kill you?"

"Thug, _You've_ tried to kill me," Taako says, making grabby hands for the coffee. "But yeah, that's why my career's down the shitter. I never toldja about this?"

"No," Kravitz says. "You didn't tell me about any of this. He tried to kill you? He blamed it on you? That's, that's _really_ fucked up, Taako."

"Yeah, well," Taako says. "Sometimes shit just happens. No biggie."

"It's kind of a biggie," Kravitz says, resuming pressing the coffee down. "You were crying, last night."

"Wow, really?" Taako says, taking the pot from Kravitz. "Lame. Man, that's incredibly uncool, I'm sorry you had to see that, actually, no I'm not, that's a once in a lifetime opportunity, babe. Cherish it."

"It was, uh, kind of alarming, actually," Kravitz says, pulling out two cups.

"Well, fuck, I actually am sorry you had to see that," and Taako actually does sound contrite. "Seriously, m'dude. Did I say anything real fuckin' weird? Tell ch'boy what he did while he was shwasted."

"Well, er. You got really clingy and kept asking me not to leave, when I was going to get you some water, and then you started crying, and then you told me that you loved me. Er. Taako?"

 

Taako has put down the pot of coffee and buried his head in his arms. His ears are red, nearly vibrating with how much they're twitching. It's quite a sight. Kravitz pats Taako’s head. Taako lifts his head up.

 

“I don’t suppose I can convince you to forget all of that,” Taako says seriously. “I’ll trade you… sexual favors. Many sexual favors.”

“All the romance has gone out of this relationship,” Kravitz says. “Three months, and the honeymoon’s over, huh?”

“You think honeymoons last three months?”

“It’s been a while since I’ve been in a relationship,” Kravitz says. “And I’m not forgetting _anything._ Taako, why don’t you tell me these things?”

“Cause I’m not fourteen with a crush?”

“No, I mean like, the thing about Sazed. He tried to kill you! I had no idea.”

“They’re just things that happened,” Taako says. “Y’know? It’s over now. Donezo. It’s fine.”

 

He picks the coffee pot up and inspects the liquid inside. He pours two cups of coffee, and mage-hands the milk out of the fridge. Kravitz’s cup gets one splash, Taako’s cup gets none but a hefty spoon of sugar.

 

“Thanks,” Kravitz says. He sips his coffee. He stares at his boyfriend. Taako in the morning sunlight is an altogether different animal than Taako the night before. They’re leagues apart, they could be different people. Kravitz is still thinking about what Taako said last night, that everyone leaves.

 

“You should tell me these things. If you want to, I mean. I care about you,” Kravitz says, all cards on the table. “I want to know these things about you.”

“Oh. Okay,” Taako says, like it’s a surprise. “I mean, I care about you too, m’dude.”

 

* * *

 

After they drink their coffee, Taako stands and stretches. He flicks his fingers and spells the coffee mugs into the sink. 

 

“Imma shower, and then ch’boy’s going to go back to bed,” Taako announces. “Thanks for the coffee, baby.”

“You’re welcome,” Kravitz says. He wonders what he should do now. Should he go? It didn’t sound like an invitation. But something about the morning feels unfinished, the conversation they had at loose ends. He supposes that’s just how it is, when half of the conversational party doesn’t remember the subject matter, and also when half of the conversational party is Taako.

 

Taako starts walking away, and then turns on his heel to face Kravitz. He raises his eyebrows.

 

“Are you coming, thug, or are you just going to stand there?”

“Oh!” Kravitz says. “Um, I’m coming, I guess? I wasn’t sure you wanted me to come.”

“Of course I do, ch’boy ain’t one to pass up more quality time with the boytoy,” Taako says, walking back and looping his arm in Kravitz’s, pulling him back to his bedroom. “Let’s go, before the doofus squad comes and finds us.”

 

And Kravitz stays.

 


	2. Kravitz and Lup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which kravitz and lup have a significant conversation about taako.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise! a chapter!

"Who's Sazed?" Lup asks. 

"What?" Kravitz turns away from the man he's got his scythe half sunk-into. The man is gasping. The man is dying. Kravitz is killing him, but the man should have died fifty years ago. Lup's holding him by the throat with a spectral hand as he expires. 

 

"I said, who's Sazed," Lup says. "Keep up, babe." 

 

It's just Kravitz and her on today's job. Barry's on a job across the continent, scaring straight a couple of teens who got hold of some rare necromantic nerd book. Lup knows that Barry mostly wants the book for himself, the big dork. 

 

"No, I just mean, why are you asking me?" Kravitz asks, wrinkling his nose. The man on the floor would be screaming if he had the air to scream with. It's dirty work sometimes, Lup thinks. But the man on the floor is a coward who killed children for an extra year, an extra two years of life. He hoarded time like gemstones, traded flesh for time. Over and over. She tightens her grip. 

 

"Cause Taako mentioned him yesterday and clammed up when I asked," Lup explains. "So there's gotta be something there, and well, you know more about what he's been up to than I do." 

 

That's a bitter sentence to choke out. But she's been gone for a decade. Besides, Kravitz is probably going to be her brother in law in a couple of years; he looks at Taako like Barry looks at her in their wedding photos. Wonder where those are, Lup thinks absently. Probably on the Starblaster somewhere? 

 

It's okay that Kravitz knows her brother, Lup thinks. She wishes Taako would tell her things. 

 

"Can't this wait until we're done with," Kravitz gestures to the man expiring on the floor. 

"Sure," Lup says amiably. "Come over. I'll make, like, whaddaya like to drink? I bet you're a wine man, actually. We have wine." 

"Well, if there's wine involved," Kravitz says, and pulls the man's soul out with a quick swipe of the blade. The man stops breathing. 

 

Lup loosens her grip. She dusts her hands off. 

 

* * *

 

The house is dark when they portal in. 

"I thought Barry'd be back by now," Lup says, frowning. There are no scythes in the scythe stand. No umbrellas, either. They're a strictly no-umbrella household, these days. 

 

She turns on the lights, and blinks as her pupils adjust. The living room, the adjacent kitchen, all the furnishings that her and Barry picked out. It's still strange to her, that they live here, that they're not going to leave. She finds herself walking around and picking up the books, the weird knickknacks. They have room for knickknacks, now. She has hands to touch them with. 

 

"I can't stay long," Kravitz warns, resting his scythe in the scythe stand. "Taako's probably expecting me." 

"No biggie," Lup says. "If we run late, we can call him and he can come over for dinner." 

"You don't mind?" Kravitz asks. "Having us over on such short notice, I mean." 

"Skeletor, I've eaten more dinners with him than without him," Lup says, waving him over to the living room. "It's actually real fuckin' weird not having him around all the time." 

"Oh," Kravitz says, sitting down on the couch. "We can come over more. Or the two of you can come over more." 

"It's cute that you're trying," Lup says, and then regrets it. She should try and be nice. "That'd be cool." 

"Cool," Kravitz says. The word walks itself oddly out of his mouth. 

 

There are moments when Lup realizes that her brother is dating — _living with —_ an entity that hasn't really been a person in a long time. Then again, they're all pretty bad at being people, too. 

 

"Yeah," she says, sitting down in the other overstuffed armchair. "Okay, so what's up with Sazed?" 

"Er," Kravitz says. "I'm not completely sure." 

"Okay," Lup says. "So that doesn't matter, this is gossip corner, not dissertation corner, actually wait, hold up, I promised you wine. Lemme grab that. Then we have gossip corner."

 

She flicks her fingers and levitates a bottle from the wine rack, along with two glasses. The wine pours itself, and the glasses rest smoothly on the table in front of them. Lup picks them both up and hand one to Kravitz. He inclines his head in thanks. 

 

"Neat trick," he says. 

"Hundred years, you pick up some stuff," Lup says. "Well, you're older, but." 

Kravitz shrugs. "Magic wasn't ever my thing. I only really use it for work." 

"Huh," Lup says. She takes a sip of the wine. "Okay. Sazed. Who's the dude?" 

"Well," Kravitz says carefully, looking down at the glass he's holding — unnecessarily — between his hands. "He's...Taako's old assistant, and I think they...dated? They were together, I think. Taako was really unspecific. Also, Sazed, um. He tried to kill Taako, and he killed forty people instead, and he blamed the whole thing on Taako." 

Kravitz says the last sentence in a nearly unintelligible rush. 

 

Lup stares at Kravitz. Kravitz takes a long drink of the wine and avoids her eyes. Lup places her wine on the table. 

 

"What," Lup says. "Are you telling me my brother almost got murdered by his ex, then got framed for said murder by the ex, and then my brother refused to tell me about it?!" 

"Please stop yelling," Kravitz says. Lup realizes she was yelling. 

"Fuck," she says. She meant to say sorry. She didn't say sorry. "That's really fucked up, I mean, like, that's really fucked up." 

Kravitz laughs, rubs the space between his eyes, kneading out the crevice that's been growing as their conversation progressed. 

"That's exactly what I said! He didn't tell me about it on purpose."

"How did you find out?" Lup says, almost on autopilot. 

 

She's thinking about Taako, dating someone whose love could so easily turn to poison. Lup pours herself and Kravitz more wine. 

 

"Well," Kravitz says. "Taako was, um, very drunk. And then he started crying —is that normal? It really freaked me out." 

"No, that's normal, he does that," Lup says, shaking her head. "Okay, so he was schwasted, and then what? He just drops the bomb on you?" 

"Sort of? He mentions Sazed, and I kind of just assume he's an...ex or something, and then Taako falls asleep. And the next morning, I ask him who Sazed is, and he tells me what I just told you." 

"He just tells you?" 

"He just told me," Kravitz nods. "He seemed surprised that I cared, actually. It was kind of weird, actually, how not fucked up he was about it? He seemed fine, and I only pushed him because he had been crying the night before. He said it was just something that happened, and it was fine." 

"He just told you, and he wasn't fucked up about it?" Lup echoes. 

"Yeah," Kravitz says. "Is that normal?" 

_"No,"_ Lup says emphatically and drains her glass. 

"Oh," Kravitz says. 

 

He sips his wine. Lup sips her wine. They sit on the couch in her living room and drink wine. 

 

Her brother is a drama queen. Her brother could make a professional career out of pretending to be okay all the time. He did make a career out of pretending to be okay all the time. Her brother doesn't hide important life events, like people trying to _kill_ him, from her. 

 

Lup wishes Barry or Taako was here. She could really use a hug right now. Kravitz turns to her. 

 

"Is he okay?" Kravitz says. "I mean, well, you know what I mean." 

"No, he's not okay!" Lup says. "If he was okay, he'd tell me what the fuck is going on in his life! Gods! He's such an airhead! Why would he not tell me!" 

"Taako's not an airhead," Kravitz says. Lup shakes her head. 

"He's kind of an airhead," Lup says. "He's one of the smartest guys I know, but he's a huge ditz." 

"You're worried about him," Kravitz says, like it's a revelation. Lup rolls her eyes. 

"No shit, of course I'm worried about him! He's my little brother, and he doesn't fucking tell me that he nearly got murdered." 

"He says you're the same age," Kravitz says. 

"He does that. He's ten minutes younger," Lup says. "It's an important ten minutes." 

 

She puts her wineglass on the table. They've gotten through most of the bottle. She rubs her face in her hands. 

 

People change. She knows that. She doesn't know why Taako wouldn't tell her about these things. 

 

"Gods," she says. "Okay, well, fuck, this is not what I expected out of gossip corner, but thanks for telling me, Ghost Rider." 

"Of course," Kravitz says. "You're welcome." 

"He likes you a lot," Lup says. "I'm glad he told you, at least." 

"I like him a lot," Kravitz says. "I think he only told me because he didn't think I would care." 

"That's kind of messed up." 

"You're telling me!" Kravitz laughs, and it's not really all that happy. Kravitz loves her brother, Lup realizes. That's good, she thinks. Even if the rest of it isn't. 

 

Lup stands up. 

 

"Here's what's going to happen," she says. "I'm going to call Barry, and you're going to call Taako, and we're going to have dinner together and not talk about the conversation that just happened, because now I need to see that my brother is alive and not dead, and then tomorrow I'm going to tear him a new one for not telling me about _almost dying."_

 

"Okay," Kravitz says. 

 

* * *

 

After their respective boys have been called, Kravitz leans in close to Lup. 

 

"You know, I looked Sazed up, actually," Kravitz says quietly. "He turned himself in, after the Hunger was defeated. If you ever want to, well..." He trails off into a significant silence. 

Lup nods sharply. "Yeah. Gotta pay the reaper sometime." 

Kravitz smiles, a small uptick of his lips. "My thoughts precisely." 


	3. Taako and Lup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 4 am conversations are hard mostly

Taako isn't expecting visitors this late. It's four in the morning. He's curled up on the couch under a particularly cozy blanket that he stole from Magnus a couple of months ago. Taako is mostly sure Magnus knows, but he hasn't called Taako out on it. 

 

Taako is pretty tired, actually. But Kravitz isn't home, he had "urgent business in the astral plane, I'm terribly sorry, love, I'll try to be back as soon as I can." And Taako had said "It's cool, go do your skeleton thing, Krav, lemme know if you need backup." And Kravitz had smiled and said "That's technically against regulations," and had kissed him. Then he left. 

 

So Taako is sitting on the couch in their living room, flipping idly through a paperback without reading the words. If Kravitz isn't there, then if Taako wants to sleep, he probably needs to dig his sleepsack out of storage, and he doesn't feel like getting it. Anyway, elves don't technically need to sleep. 

 

The door opening startles him into dropping the book. 

 

"Babe?" Taako calls. "Jeez, I thought you were gonna call before getting back, not that i'm not happy to see you in on piece." 

"Nah, sorry, your boy's still on call," a voice calls back. Oh, it's Lup. Right, she's got a key, too. "Senior management's got some _shit_ to go through. He's probs gonna be held up for a coupla more hours, sorry 'ko." 

 

She walks through the door. Lup's still in her work clothing — dark cloak, scythe that she sticks on the coat stand alongside her cloak and jacket. She looks tired, she's got the twist to her mouth like the aftertaste of something unpleasant is lingering, dark undereye circles like a bruise. His face does the same thing. Taako wonders what tonight's job was. Lup doesn't always like her work. 

 

"Oh, cool cool cool, gotcha," Taako says. "Wait, why're you here?" 

"Why're you awake?" 

"It's only four-am," Taako says. 

"Uh-huh," Lup says skeptically. "You're shit at meditation." 

"So?" Taako says. Lup rolls her eyes and sits down next to him on the couch. He automatically moves over so she has enough room. She takes the corner of his blanket and tugs it over her legs. Taako picks up his book again, cracks it open. Lup leans against him. It's nice. 

 

"Where's Barold?" Taako asks. 

"At home, sleeping," Lup says. "I didn't want to wake him up. And I wanted to talk to you." 

"Oh-kay," Taako puts the book back down trepidatiously. "So what's up? Whatcha got for ch'boy?" 

 

Lup looks over at Taako, assessing. Taako isn't sure what to make of this entire scenario. It's not bad, he thinks. 

 

"What are you reading?" she asks. Taako blinks, and takes the book back from her to inspect the cover. It's a cheap well-worn paperback. Much loved, just not by him. 

 

"I have no idea," Taako admits. "It's some sorta mystery thing. I haven't been paying attention. I think Ango left it here, the lil' dork." 

"Aw," Lup says. 

 

Taako taps his fingers against the book cover, slumps deeper into the blanket nest, nudging Lup's legs out of the way. She's fiddling with the ends of her hair like she's trying to stall. Taako frowns. 

 

"Okay, spit it out, Lu, stop leaving me in suspense," Taako says. The unspoken tension is getting him antsy. There's never been a good conversation that began with someone afraid to speak, that Taako knows. Why's she looking at him like that? The expression on her face is softens into a halfhearted grin, as she runs her hand through her hair and looks away.

 

"I mean, I was going to come in all guns blazing about this, you know, I had it all planned out. It was going to be real dramatic, my dude. You know what I mean," Lup says. "But then I realized that if I did that, you'd probably clam the fuck up even more than you've been doing. So." 

"I have literally no idea what you're talking about," Taako says. 

"Of course you don't," Lup sighs. 

"You're being extremely cryptic right now, my guy, like, I mean extremely," Taako says. 

"Why didn't you tell me about Sazed?" Lup asks. 

 

"Oh fuck, who told you?" Taako says automatically, heart seizing in his chest. Calm down, heart, he thinks. It's no big deal. He didn't want Lup to know about it, sure, because Sazed was just something from his past and that was just something that happened that wasn't relevant anymore, there was no need to hash out  all the shitty bits of his decade without Lup. She doesn't need to know about the parts he's mostly trying to forget, cause then he'll have to explain Glamour Springs and all the people dying in front of him and the way Sazed looked at him before he left, and he doesn't want to do that, it's not anything to be proud of. So Lup knows about Sazed, it's fine. He can shut it down before it starts. 

 

"It's not a big deal," Taako says. "What'd you hear about him?" 

"We-ell," Lup says, drawing out the word. "I heard that he's sort of your ex, and he tried to kill you, and he managed to kill most of your audience instead." 

"Yeah that's all pretty accurate," Taako nods. "That's a real concise description of that whole situation. Now you know! Glad we had this talk, good talk all around. I'm gonna go-o brush my teeth." 

 

He tries to get up, untangling himself from the blanket, but Lup grabs his wrist. Taako stands anyway, dragging Lup halfway across the couch until she manages to pull him back. 

 

"Sit down," she says, conjuring a mage hand and pushing his chest so that he falls back on the couch. "We're talking about this." 

"It was just something that happened, Lulu," Taako says. "It was like a year and a bit ago, I don't get why you're so worked up about it!" 

"You almost _died,_ Taako. You were dating someone who wanted to kill you," Lup says, as if that explains everything. 

"These things happen!" Taako says. 

"These things do not happen!" Lup repeats, incredulous. "Taako, babe, that's really fucked up!" 

"Well, I don't know what you want from me, my dude," Taako says. "Like, it happened, its over, I'm not dead, and Sazed killed a bunch of dudes. I mean it's fucked up, sure, but it's over. I'm okay. It's fine! No one died. Well, forty people died, sure, okay, but I didn't die. I didn't kill anyone." 

 

He's babbling. Lup's looking at him like he's a tragedy. Why's she being like this? It was just something that happened. 

 

"Taako, I'm going to paint you a scenario," Lup says carefully. She takes a deep breath. "Lets say, that I forgot how to do magic, I wasn't a lich, and I didn't remember you. And then I started dating somebody who secretly would have been completely fucking down with murdering me. And then that guy botches that one up, and blamed me for the murders. Then a year later, you found out about it, but I refuse to talk about what happened, and I keep saying I'm fine. How would that make you feel?" 

 

"Uh," Taako says. But it's not the same thing at all, right. If Lup had dated Sazed, if it had been Sizzle It Up with Lup!, if Lup had run in the middle of the night with a single bag holding all her worldly possessions and hadn't cried at all when she had learned what had happened, then yeah Taako would be really worried, if it had been Lup who could have died (oh my god, Lup who could have died), who had killed forty people by proxy it would have fucked her up, he would have been worried, but it was an accident, right, and it's not like she'd have to be fucked up, Taako wasn't fucked up, he wasn't at fault never mind the fact that they died right in front of him and Taako saw their faces and he should have tasted the chicken but it as always fine, it was always good, he was always good— 

 

"Hey, look at me? Taako, look at me?" 

 

His hands feel numb. So does the rest of him, except for his heart which feels too fast and it's probably not too fast but there's a tightness in his chest and everything feels very far away right now, the living room, Lup sitting next to him, all stretching out like he's maybe somewhere else entirely. There's a high pitched whine in his ears. Lup's holding his shoulder and he's staring off into the living room, except its not really the living room and he isn't really here anymore.

 

"Hi, I'm here," he hears himself say, as if he's in a different room. He feels himself turn his head to stare at Lup, except he's not staring at Lup, it's not him looking, and whatever expression is on his face is making her face do that thing where she looks really concerned, the one where she looks kind of scared, and maybe he's breathing a little bit too fast except now he can't remember whats a normal amount to breath. 

 

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked you so many questions," he hears her say, all apologetic, her face doing that thing where she looks really worried. 

 

"It's cool," he hears himself say. He doesn't like it when Lup looks like that. Maybe if he pulls himself together or at least pretends he's together she'll stop looking like that. "It's okay, I'm okay." 

 

"I really don't think you are," she says. 

"I'm _fine,"_ he hears himself say, except he's always been really bad at lying to Lup, but he doesn't want her to worry, and she looks like she wants to say something or do something but she's scared to, and he hates that. 

"It's not like I can't tell when you're lying to me," she says, as if she's reading his mind. 

"You know that thing where everything feels really far away, and its like you're like, completely gonezo?" he hears himself admit, and now she's going to know, but it's better than her pressing him more. "Yeah, that thing. It's cool, I'm good. Mostly. You don't have to stay," he says. 

"Of course I'm going to," she says. "I'm going to give you a hug now, okay?" 

"Okay," he hears himself say. 

 

Lup reaches forward. She hugs him. The warmth of another body pulls him back a little bit into the present. Everything's still sort of distanced, but it's easier to focus on his hands on her back and her arms around him, to match his breathing to hers. He closes his eyes. He's really tired.

 

"I'm sorry I pushed you," she says. "I just, I worry about you sometimes. You're my favorite twin brother." 

"I'm your only twin brother," he says. Old joke.

"It's alright to have feelings, okay?" she says, curveballing the conversation. "I want to hear about your life, even the shitty bits." 

"Yeah," Taako says. "Okay." 

"I'm sorry you had such a tough time without me," she says. "I would have beat Sazed's ass so hard he'd feel it in his face." 

"Yeah," he says. "I wish you had been there too, Lulu." 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ....i might write more but we'll see. i realized halfway through this that this was a convo that needed. multiple times to get resolved. liner notes up later today!

**Author's Note:**

> you know when someone says something really sad or fucked up like its normal? i think thats what taako is like tbh. this is more angst than i usually write! oh well! hope u liked!
> 
> tbh not completely satisfied with the ending SO you might get a second part. BUT. that's uncertain.  
> edit: SURPRISE! second and third part!
> 
> kick it w/ me on tumblr @[anonymousalchemist](http://anonymousalchemist.tumblr.com/)  
> liner notes @[here](http://anonymousalchemist.tumblr.com/post/165806903142/your-heart-anything-but-a-vault-liner-notes)


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